to the conversations i replay in my head,
here’s what i’d say instead:
1. what’s the point of you even trying to get to know me when you already made up your mind about me? you think i’m going to sit here and waste my time trying to convince you of who i am? you’re so stuck on me being where i’m from and the fact that i’m bipolar. so what if you read some fucking poems? stop calling me crazy. i already know that. i don’t need you or anybody reminding me of that.
2. people are always saying they belong to the moon. that they’re moon children. well i’m not. i stay up with the moon but i’ve never belonged to her. i am a sun child. i just always end up hiding from the light that loves me and run with the darkness instead. because as soon as something good like light comes into my life, i expect it to abandon me right at the moment that i’m vulnerable. so i hide in the shadows of the moon instead because it’s so much easier. to not deal with the pain, you know?
3. i love you. i’ve waited a long time to tell you that.
4. i don’t like using terms of endearment anymore. it’s too personal and then men think i’m taking whatever we have way too seriously. i mean ask the men who i write poems about. i call them baby in my poems more than i fucking call them that in real life. wait, that means they would have to know the poems are about them. oh yikes. okay.
5. you should stop looking for me. if you wouldn’t have married the side chick, the woman that you cheated on me with, then maybe your life wouldn’t have been as messy. but you know what? you men never learn to stop fucking with a woman like me. i didn’t send anyone to fuck up your car but i’m glad that shit happened. you know how me and karma roll.
6. me being accepting of who i am and my sexuality isn’t going to damage your goddamn reputation or your image. don’t even mention me as your family member if you’re so embarrassed of me. i could care less who’s coming into the picture now, i’m not changing who i am for anyone. it took me years of self-sabotaging, of hating my body, of all this reckless abandon to finally….finally being okay with the woman i am, and you think i’m going to change that now? might as well start laughing now cause jokes on you.
7. if aliens came knocking on my door right now, i’d ask them to take me with them. i’d beg them to leave this planet because there’s nothing here for them but a bunch of morons. anyways, you mentioned deja vu. i think we experience it because there’s a parallel universe and sometimes we did something at the same time as our parallel that caused deja vu. i wonder what my parallel is doing. i wonder if she’s with that guy i always dreamed of being with one day. i hope she’s having a good time. i hope he’s getting her sunflowers. i hope she took him to south street seaport.
8. i’m so sorry about your dad dying. he was an amazing man. this isn’t fair at all. please let me know if you need anything, if there’s any way i can help. i want this pandemic to die just like you do. i’m sorry. i really am. is your mom okay? how’s your son holding up? here’s my number.
9. you feel like you don’t know me because you realized that i am more than my poems? wow. imagine that? being a person outside of the art? being a whole ass human being outside of a few words that i string along? being this complex woman who’s more than her heartache and the fight against women? being fun? did you think you were meeting someone broken that you needed to fix? because that’s condescending and utterly disrespectful for you to assume that i’m just a walking trauma.
10. tell me what you want. be specific. tell me so i won’t make mistakes when i see you. so i won’t push myself away when you tell me no. like can i choke you while i bite your lips and i’m straddled onto your hips? can we hold hands? can we just be? because i’ve made the decision that this time, i’m going to be very open with you.
– gretchen gomez
Title: Drowned In Milk Tea
The Order is about a secret society in a university. Except this secret society is filled with witches and warlocks. However, other monstrous things start taking place. I loved this and I hope there’s a second season.
Quicksand is a 6 episode mini series about a school shooting. The episodes are a timeline of what led to the school shooting and what we see in the courtroom. I didn’t love this mini series but it definitely kept me interested, wanting to know who really did it and who was going to be prosecuted. Trigger warnings for school shootings, blood, suicide, and drug use.
Okay so this was a total rewatch for me. I’ve watched this movie like 4 times already lol. It’s the true story of two former Texas Rangers who killed Bonnie and Clyde. I love it because they don’t romanticize Bonnie and Clyde. I also really do love a good ole drama thriller set in the 1930s. Old crime stories really fascinate me.
In April, I went to go see Bad Bunny in concert!!! If you don’t know who Bad Bunny is, he is a Puerto Rican Latin Trap Artist. This is my second time seeing him live and wow what a great time I had. I definitely love his new album X100PRE and he never disappoints! Arcangel and El Alfa also joined the stage with him to sing some of their songs together. I got to meet up with some of my friends who I haven’t seen in a long time and I also got to look super cute lol. After the concert was over, I was starved. So my friend took me to this spot called The Meatball shop which was my first time ever trying. The food was great and I want to go back!
chicnerdreads 