jodios pendejos

you say feminist like if i’m going home
with you tonight. you say feminist like if
we flirtin’ all night. like if..life if i’m gettin’
wet for you tonight. oh, you ain’t know?
it’s the sahara desert down there.

you say feminist the same way you
say babygirl and mami. you know i
like that shit. you say it like if..like if
you’re waiting for me to call you papi.
the only man i call papi is my papi.
the man who gave me life and wings to fly.

you say feminist in the same breath you
degrade women. like if..like if i’m supposed
to take that as a compliment. like if a man
runs up on her, you expect me to say that
she deserves it cause her skirt too short.

oh you ain’t know? i like wearing the skirts
and the dresses that hug the curves i was
blessed with. does that mean i deserved it too?

you say feminist like if gold drips out your
mouth and i’m supposed to swallow it.
thank you for the flaunting, i’ll see myself out now.

this is a poem of how i break my own heart

this is a poem of how
i break my own heart

every single time
with every person
that has crossed
paths my way

i think about all
the ways you’ll
hurt me before
you ever see
my first smile

i think about how
much i’ll long for
you when we both
walk away from
whatever this is

i think about each
breath and how i’ll
become obsessed
reading your text
messages over and
over again just to
wear myself out

i think about how
i’ll see you with
someone else and
cry over the sadness
about how i’m going
through the same
shit again

and so i never
commit to anything
because i’ll be broken
before our first date

this poem wasn’t planned

i would never
suggest you
trying to be me.

for it is tiring
and sometimes
i cannot wrap
the things that
happen in my
brain.

for i always
feel the sense
of loss and
dream of it
often.

i hurt myself
with my own
thoughts.

i hurt myself
with every
moment i
think about
my past.

and when things settle,
there are times that i
don’t know who i am.
and how i got here.