i don’t know if this makes sense

i have walked these
dreadful feet through
mud filled with agony,
hate, hurt, burden, and
loss. at the end of
the hard walk, i’ve
still found myself
standing in a dark
tunnel of madness.

the best times for me
are always in my
silence wondering
about nothing. yet,
still figuring myself
out all at the same time.

feeling some type of
comfort after a breath
in those times of needing
myself rather than
anybody else.

because i am loner with a soul and a heart of stone

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this poem wasn’t planned

i would never
suggest you
trying to be me.

for it is tiring
and sometimes
i cannot wrap
the things that
happen in my
brain.

for i always
feel the sense
of loss and
dream of it
often.

i hurt myself
with my own
thoughts.

i hurt myself
with every
moment i
think about
my past.

and when things settle,
there are times that i
don’t know who i am.
and how i got here.

The Mid Year Freakout Book Tag

Hello everyone!!! It’s been months since I’ve done a tag and I really like this one. I was tagged by the wonderful Azia @ The Uncharted Word, you all need to check out her beautiful page.

To play fair because I know this tag is super late, I will only count the books I have read from January 1st to June 30th. Let’s start!


133309431. Best book you’ve read so far in 2017?

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. This was such an easy answer because it’s really stuck with me. It’s actually one of the very first books I read in the beginning of the year. I have a full non-spoiler rave review here.

 

 

 

 

 


our dark duet2. Best sequel of 2017 so far?

Our Dark Duet by Victoria Schwab! Hands down, best sequel I have read so far. I do plan on reading A Gathering of Shadows and A Conjuring of Light in the next half of the year so I wonder if any of these will take it’s place lol. I have a non-spoiler review here.

 

 

 

 

 


294145763. New release you haven’t read yet, but want to?

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee! This book has asexual representation and if you don’t know, I identify as gray ace (demisexual). A lot aces in the book community have been raving about this one so yes!!!! Here is the synopsis:
After a shout-out from one of the Internet’s superstar vloggers, Natasha “Tash” Zelenka finds herself and her obscure, amateur web series, Unhappy Families, thrust into the limelight: She’s gone viral.

Her show is a modern adaptation of Anna Karenina—written by Tash’s literary love Count Lev Nikolayevich “Leo” Tolstoy. Tash is a fan of the forty thousand new subscribers, their gushing tweets, and flashy Tumblr GIFs. Not so much the pressure to deliver the best web series ever.

And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a Golden Tuba award, Tash’s cyber-flirtation with Thom Causer, a fellow award nominee, suddenly has the potential to become something IRL—if she can figure out how to tell said crush that she’s romantic asexual.

Tash wants to enjoy her newfound fame, but will she lose her friends in her rise to the top? What would Tolstoy do?


300794394. Most anticipated release of the second half of 2017?

Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moïra Fowley-Doyle. Thanks to my twin, Lilly @ LairofBooks for mentioning it to me. Ever since she mentioned Spellbook, it’s been on my planner waiting to be released and purchased lol.
Here’s the synopsis:
One stormy summer night, Olive and her best friend, Rose, begin to lose things. It starts with simple items like hair clips and jewellery, but soon it’s clear that Rose has lost something bigger; something she won’t talk about.

Then Olive meets three wild, mysterious strangers: Ivy, Hazel and Rowan. Like Rose, they’re mourning losses – and holding tight to secrets.

When they discover the ancient spellbook, full of hand-inked charms to conjure back lost things, they realise it might be their chance to set everything right. Unless it’s leading them towards secrets that were never meant to be found . . .


314511745. Biggest disappointment?

Lol I am going to get major side eye for this one and maybe lose a few more followers like I already did when I posted my spoiler rant review. However, I have to be truthful with myself. The answer is A Court of Wings and Ruin (ACOTWAR #3) by Sarah J. Maas. I found the book to be very problematic. The thing that upsets me most about this one was that it had a lot of potential (in my opinion) to be great. I really absolutely adored A Court of Mist and Fury so to read this one and see the outcome was just utterly disappointing.

 

 


eliza6. Biggest surprise?

Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia! I loooooved that book so much! It was heavily compared to Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell and I didn’t enjoy Fangirl at all. But! I loved Eliza and the graphic novel inserts. I wrote a non-spoiler review here.

 

 

 

 

 


303252317. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)?

K.Y. Robinson!!! I read her debut poetry collection The Chaos of Longing that was self-pub and is now officially signed by Andrews McMeel. The re-release of Chaos of Longing will be out in September. The Chaos of Longing made me cryyyyy!!! She also published two other poetry books under a pseudonym and I really loved them.

 

 

 

 


8. Newest fictional crush?

I don’t have a fictional crush……

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297489259. Newest favorite character?

Sarai from Strange the Dreamer!! Gosh her character arc is amazing and her power is great too. Also, if you haven’t read Strange the Dreamer, you definitely should. I have a non-spoiler review here.

 

 

 

 

 

 


2720780710. Book that made you cry?

soft magic. by Upile Chisala. This debut poetry collection that came out a while back had me seriously tearing. There was so much beauty and honesty. Amazing poems of women empowerment. I would definitely recommend this! Here is the synopsis:
‘soft magic.’ is the debut collection of prose and poetry by Malawian writer, Upile Chisala. This book explores the self, joy, blackness, gender, matters of the heart, the experience of Diaspora, spirituality and most of all, how we survive. ‘soft magic.’ is a shared healing journey.

 

 


3289047411. Book that made you happy?

The Seafarer’s Kiss by Julia Ember! I have a non-spoiler review for it here. Finally a mermaid book with some norse mythology that was worth every second of my time!

 

 

 

 

 

 


12. Favorite book to movie adaptation you’ve seen this year?

I don’t have an answer for this because either I cannot remember watching anything or I haven’t watch a book to movie adaptation this year. And I am going to lean with the latter.


13. Favorite review you’ve written this year?

This answer goes hand in hand with the first question. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern! It was really fun to write that review, add quotes from the book, and aesthetic ❤


Kindle14. Most beautiful book you bought or received so far this year?

Lol this is going to sound really pretentious but I have to go with my own poetry book love, and you. I am obsessed with my own book and the cover. Sorry not sorry haha *hides face in embarrassment*

 

 

 

 

 

 


15. What books do you need to read by the end of year?

Whoa I have so many books to read by the end of the year but I’ll just insert the covers here and ones that are already out:


and that is all for today! let’s chat in the comments about your thoughts and opinions on some of my answers! thanks so much for stopping by ❤


Instagram: @chicnerdreads
Twitter: @chicnerdreads

my love poems are ghost stories

my lover, oh lover,
look what you’ve
done to me.
you’ve captured me
and broken my bones.
i have spilt blood
over you, and the
magic in my veins
has dispersed over the
n o t h i n g n e s s
you and i no
longer hold.
the tether to my soul
has been stripped away.

she says as a ghost
while sinking the
ship he is sailing.
she is the raging dark
storm he never saw coming.

you keep taunting me in my dreams.

if i were a ghost,
i wouldn’t haunt you.
i would haunt the
freedoms i never had
while being with you.

the oceans i never saw with you sing to me.

some kind of self-love

i have found to be
that love is not
as cruel as people
make it out to be.

that although
painful, it is
worthwhile
to have love.

the love that
you have for
yourself,
within
y o u r s e l f .

the love for
yourself
that carries you
and takes you
across oceans.

a type of self-love
that no one can
take away,
no matter who
comes along.

a love for
yourself
that is worth
breathing in
and living.

a self-love that
you will wade for.

a letter to the moon

dear moon,

come sing to me
on the nights
i feel lonely.

know that you can
tell me your
darkest secrets
for i have them too.

please share with me
what the stars
have planned,
yet keep me
in suspense.

may i keep
you company?
you remind me
of myself.

sometimes i look
at you and wonder
if the clouds blanket
you with safety
when you don’t
want to be seen..

because the weight
of the world
probably rest on you,
knowing that i am
not the only person
writing this letter
to the moon.

Friday Reads and a Chat

hey everyone! happy friday! i hope you are all doing very well today. i guess wanted to mix things up a bit; tell you what i’m going to start reading today and also have a chat with you. let you know what’s going on with me.

i’ve been very out of whack with blogging and life. which is why sometimes you don’t see me around as much, i’m trying to get back into the swing of things but wow my life has changed so much since April 4th (the day i released my poetry book). it’s the point where i have forgotten to take care of myself and my mind has been pulled into so many directions. i am overly exhausted but i am sorting things out.i am figuring out a schedule since i cut some hours from work in order to dedicate more time to writing/blogging, taking care of myself, and not forgetting the body that i am in. because my body and mind has taken the biggest hit of all which i won’t be going into details.

i miss the shit out of blogging and going through all of the other blogs. i miss posting book related post and poems. i just miss all of you *cries*
I AM READING AGAIN THOUGH!! whoop whoop!! while writing my book, editing, drafting, etc. i had read slim to nothing because my mind was just focused on all of that. especially since i am self-published, i was doing everything by myself. but i literally reaped what i sowed because the book community has had my back and i will forever be grateful. the amount of love, reviews, people telling me the sweetest things about my book…omg here come the water works lol.

so yeah, i probably still won’t be on much while i’m trying to figure out my schedule but i hope you don’t go anywhere! i have a few ideas and discussions for things ❤


to the reads:

23766634
i recently finished A Court of Wings and Ruin (ACOTAR #3) by Sarah J. Maas, which i will definitely be doing a .gif review for because i have a lot to say about this one. i won’t say much right now but that i am disappointed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


our dark dueti am going to start reading *drum roll please* Our Dark Duet (Monsters of Verity #2) by Victoria Schwab WHICH I HAVE BEEN HIGHLY ANTICIPATING SINCE LIKE FOREVER!!! oh my heart please be still! I definitely plan on starting this one later on today.

and what i love that is only a duology!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


haven’t heard of This Savage Song, the first book in Monsters of Verity? i have a non spoiler review of it here filled with .gif’s and aesthetics. the synopsis from Goodreads:

23299512There’s no such thing as safe in a city at war, a city overrun with monsters. In this dark urban fantasy from author Victoria Schwab, a young woman and a young man must choose whether to become heroes or villains—and friends or enemies—with the future of their home at stake. The first of two books.

Kate Harker and August Flynn are the heirs to a divided city—a city where the violence has begun to breed actual monsters. All Kate wants is to be as ruthless as her father, who lets the monsters roam free and makes the humans pay for his protection. All August wants is to be human, as good-hearted as his own father, to play a bigger role in protecting the innocent—but he’s one of the monsters. One who can steal a soul with a simple strain of music. When the chance arises to keep an eye on Kate, who’s just been kicked out of her sixth boarding school and returned home, August jumps at it. But Kate discovers August’s secret, and after a failed assassination attempt the pair must flee for their lives.


and that is it for today! have you read any of these books mentioned or plan on too? what’s your read for the weekend? i would love to chat in the comments!


Instagram: @chicnerdreads
Twitter: @ChicNerdReads
Goodreads: Gretchen (ChicNerdReads)