September Wrap-Up 2019 (Birthday Edition + Books)

Hey there friends! As per usual, September is like Christmas for my family and I. A lot of birthday celebrations (including mines), parties, etc. Therefore, in September, I rarely if ever get any reading done. It’s been like this for years since I’ve been an avid reader. I just always find myself doing something other than reading on my free time.

For today’s post I’ll be talking about what I read, books I acquired, and what I did on my birthday!!! (in that order)


What I Read

 

  1. The Whisper Man by Alex North – DNF
    This is a thriller novel about a serial killer who’s now on the hunt again 20 years later. Although this book sounds amazing, I had a hard time getting into it. The writing style didn’t work for me. Ended up DNFing.
  2. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah★★★★★
    A Historical Fiction novel set in WWII about 2 sisters and their survival. This book. Wow. Wow. Wow. There not enough words to describe everything I felt. I listened to the audiobook while also reading along and OMG did I cry! I now understand all the love and hype of this novel. I would highly recommend!
  3. Say You Still Love Me by K.A. Tucker★★★★★
    A second chance contemporary romance about two people who met when they both were camp counselors as teenagers. Something unbeknownst to us readers happens and 13 years later, they meet again. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS BOOK!!! This book was such a page turner and it was so very cute. It was exactly what I needed.

Books Acquired

FE0A1EF3-6946-40BD-8DF6-BE8933FF9516This was my Book of the Month selections for September. I have only read one of the three. In my previous post, I had mentioned wanting to read This Tender Land and The Last Time I Lied. However, laugh out loud, that was clearly a joke. I do plan on getting to those in October though. While writing this post, I am 50 pages into The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager which I am thoroughly enjoying. And so far, October, has been a pretty good reading month for me.

Like I always say every month, if you’re ever interested in BOTM, please let me know. I can send you my referral link and we both get a free book!

 

 

 

 


My 30th Birthday

This section is going to get a little personal. I turned 30 on September 20th. For those of you who don’t know, I have always hated birthdays. September is actually a very hard month for me mentally and emotionally. I wrote a poem about that, here it is if you want to get a sense of what I mean:

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“i was born in september. this month, where it’s supposed to be a celebration is usually the one where my darkest thoughts come alive. finally, not this year. it’s always been a little ironic since september is national suicide prevention month. if you or anyone you know is struggling please call 1-800-273-8255. they’re also available for online chat. you deserve to be here.”

I didn’t want a birthday celebration. I dislike parties. And this was a welcoming of a new decade while saying goodbye to my 20’s. I wrote a poem about that too!

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I took this birthday into my own hands and booked myself and my mami a flight to Las Vegas. In reality, we really went for the Grand Canyon (#1 on my bucket list) because that’s where I wanted to spend my birthday and I ended up doing just that. Among other things of course!

I had such an amazing time out there. I drove two hours to get there and I was emotional. This is something I’ve been wanting to do since I’ve seen photos of the Canyon (for years). I knew it was going to be an experience. Once we reached over a mountain while driving and saw the Grand Canyon, I started CRYING. Mami was clearly nervous because I was driving. However, the energy, the peace, the cleansing of soul is something that I cannot describe word for word, it simply needs to be felt and experienced. For the first time, I told myself “this is how every birthday should feel like, a welcoming.” And it most definitely was! I loved how I started off my 30th birthday!

While driving to the Grand Canyon we made a scenery stop and saw this beauty:

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After spending the day at the Grand Canyon and getting back to Vegas, we went to a birthday dinner at this amazing Cuban Restaurant (Cuba Cafe). The day after, we decided to go to Hoover Dam, Lake Mead, and Red Rock Canyon.

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That same night, we decided to take a walk in the Las Vegas Strip! I’ll be completely honest, I wasn’t really fond of everything there. I guess because I live in a huge city myself (NYC), therefore I felt like I was home all over again. I preferred the nature views instead of all the people lol. BUT I did take pictures! Some hotels were really beautiful inside. We also caught the Water Fountain show at the Bellagio.

On Sunday, after spending time at the hotel’s pool, we went to a Cirque du Soliel show called “O” which was amazing! My mom has never been to a show and I needed to take her to her first one. She loves water as well so I thought “O” was perfect since they do a lot of water works. No pictures of Cirque du Soliel except the ending because that wasn’t permitted. After the show, we went to Fremont Street which was fun and hilarious. We saw a lot of wild things.

Monday was our last day. We had to check out early from the hotel but our flight didn’t leave till later that night. Mami and I both decided that we wanted to see the mountains once more and so we drove to Boulder City, Arizona and went to Hemenway Park which is known for their bighorn sheep. We saw them walking and up-close. It was perfect. It was a great last day of our trip.

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We got home that Tuesday morning (9/24) and let’s just say that I fell in love with Arizona. I think I can safely say that a piece of my heart stood there. I’m extremely happy that I went to my number one spot from my bucket list (Grand Canyon). It was an ethereal experience. I can’t wait to go again and check out the North and South Rim. I also want to go to Sedona.

I’m grateful to have what I do in order to experience such greatness. And I am extremely blessed to be where I am at in life, with peace of mind and genuine happiness. I still have my lows but it’s great to know that I’m not the same person anymore, that I can overcome anything thrown my way, that I know how to cope with the hardship when it does come (thank you therapy). I know that one day New York won’t be home anymore and maybe one day I’ll bring you along with me when that journey comes.

If you’ve stood this far, thank you. I send all my love xo.

on being absent and other things

depression is the elephant in the room
it is the answer to all the questions i get asked

depression is not the reason i don’t get out of bed
because i still do

depression doesn’t pay my bills
but it is the reason why i won’t see you
i avoid you
at all cost
i am scared
these tears will fall like summer rain
and it wasn’t even part of the forecast

depression

i never asked for this
this hollow feeling
my chest has been ripped out
and it hurts
everything hurts

i want to apologize for all the times
i haven’t been there for you
depression has been visiting me
and you know how it is
we need to be the best hosts to our guests

i’m sorry
i’m so sorry that i’m not present
i’m sorry that i forget to text back
i’m sorry for never DMing you that meme
i saw on instagram
i swear to everything i thought about you
i’m sorry for being such a shitty friend
i’m sorry

i hope you understand that i’ve been busy
attending my visitor who didn’t even bother
to let me know they were coming

jodios pendejos

you say feminist like if i’m going home
with you tonight. you say feminist like if
we flirtin’ all night. like if..life if i’m gettin’
wet for you tonight. oh, you ain’t know?
it’s the sahara desert down there.

you say feminist the same way you
say babygirl and mami. you know i
like that shit. you say it like if..like if
you’re waiting for me to call you papi.
the only man i call papi is my papi.
the man who gave me life and wings to fly.

you say feminist in the same breath you
degrade women. like if..like if i’m supposed
to take that as a compliment. like if a man
runs up on her, you expect me to say that
she deserves it cause her skirt too short.

oh you ain’t know? i like wearing the skirts
and the dresses that hug the curves i was
blessed with. does that mean i deserved it too?

you say feminist like if gold drips out your
mouth and i’m supposed to swallow it.
thank you for the flaunting, i’ll see myself out now.

love, and you turns 2 and it’s free!

My debut poetry collection turns 2 years old today and it is FREE on Kindle for two days (today and tomorrow)! It is free on all amazon platforms. Share with your friends/family/loved ones/etc.!

Kindleone day i met a guy
who stole my heart,
we created a world
for ourselves.
and another day
he broke my heart
and shattered
my soul.

i took the tattered
pieces of this
broken soul and
became anew.

– here lies the hurting, the healing, and the learning

(please be advised this book has mature content)

 

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This morning while I was writing my morning pages, I wrote about how I couldn’t believe it’s been 2 years since this book has released. So much has happened, so much has changed, and I am very grateful of where this journey has taken me. I have seen the fruit of my labor and this journey has opened so many doors. The lives that this book has touched is something I never pictured. Countless times I have thought of removing this book from the shelves and countless times people have come to me privately to talk about how this book has changed their lives. It’s no longer about me, it’s about them and their healing. I want to say thank you. My gratitude is endless.


Instagram: @chicnerdreads
Twitter: @chicnerdreads

welcome to ghost town cover reveal

hey everyone!!! i know it’s been a very long time. i hope you are all doing well. life has been really busy and honestly i haven’t read this year at all (i mean i read one book and i didn’t even love it tbh) but that’s for another post! i’m currently writing this and super emotional because this second poetry collection wouldn’t be here without any of you. this poetry collection started here on this blog in august of 2016 as people i once knew. i remember posting about two poems a month in regards to this blog series. and your feedback and love for each and every poem is something that has really helped me write this book. this collection has been really hard to write and a different process from love, and you. here’s the cover to people i once knew now titled welcome to ghost town.

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welcome to ghost town is divided into 25 ghosts (parts) and each has the original poem that was on this blog plus 2-5 more shorter poems after. this is the synopsis:

these are the stories of
people i once knew.
they have come and
gone like ghosts in
the night. you might
not be a part of my
life anymore but
you’re still the ghosts
who haunt me.

– welcome to ghost town

this collection releases october 23rd and you can officially add it on goodreads!

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i would love to know your thoughts on the cover, i miss you all dearly! let’s chat in the comments ❤


Instagram: @chicnerdreads
Twitter: @chicnerdreads

this is a poem of how i break my own heart

this is a poem of how
i break my own heart

every single time
with every person
that has crossed
paths my way

i think about all
the ways you’ll
hurt me before
you ever see
my first smile

i think about how
much i’ll long for
you when we both
walk away from
whatever this is

i think about each
breath and how i’ll
become obsessed
reading your text
messages over and
over again just to
wear myself out

i think about how
i’ll see you with
someone else and
cry over the sadness
about how i’m going
through the same
shit again

and so i never
commit to anything
because i’ll be broken
before our first date

new year, new changes on chicnerdreads

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hey everyone! happy new year! i hope you all had a wonderful holiday and i hope that if you’re like me, you can breathe easy now that the holidays are over lol. i know that 2017 was a total blog fail for me and i’ve been hard on myself, especially since i don’t read as much as i used to. i have a whole blog post about what’s been going on here. i’ve been trying to maintain the same themes on my blog meanwhile having internal turmoil when i want to write about other things. at last!!!!!!!! i told myself to just do it and now you will see new things (i mean if you stay of course lol). i even changed my blogger header to this:

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my blog will consist of the usual:

  • book reviews
  • tags
  • poetry
  • bookish memes
  • book hauls

but now it will include these new type of post:

  • poet interviews
  • make-up hauls
  • make-up related post (routines, skincare, etc)
  • fashion haul
  • fashion related post (seasonal inspo, etc)
  • plan with me post
  • planner sticker hauls
  • conspiracy theory thursday
  • discussion type of post

and maybe some other things. who knows. i am super excited for all the new things coming this new year on chicnerdreads. i am learning to accept things as they are and to be kinder to myself. thanks for sticking around. i really appreciate it ❤

how was your new year?


instagram: @chicnerdreads
twitter: @chicnerdreads

i would’ve never thought i would suck at blogging, yet here i am

well hello there, hi, long time no see. wow this feels so weird. i’m sitting in front of my screen with a blog post open and typing away. i miss those days, of losing myself in a blog post. i don’t even know where i’m going with this post but like i just need to write this out.

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you know i’ve been asked by 2 important people in my life if i’ve given up blogging for good and the answer is no i haven’t. so now you’re probably wondering, well then why haven’t you been blogging if you didn’t give up? if someone would’ve said to me that my life was going to change this much when i published a book, then maybe i would’ve expected this. the less blogging, little to no reading, being busy with writing, and life period with many exclamation points of adulting. i would’ve warned all of you if i knew this.

i refuse to shut down my blog. i have been stressing a little too much over my blog, my presence here, stressing over coming back, being accepted, and keeping things with how they used to be. instead, i’ve been thinking of changing things up here on chicnerdreads and starting fresh for the new year. with all these changes in less than a year, i have changed too. i’m still playing with some ideas for the blog and trying to balance my very hectic time-limited schedule. cause if you don’t know, i’m currently working on other projects, i have family here from PR that came immediately after Hurricane Maria, and now the holidays are here.

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all in all, i wanted to say hey hi, i miss you all and think about you often.

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