“Hello ray of sunshine, how I missed you” she says at the little happiness inside, looking at herself.
She has days where she feels like dying, did you know that?
No, of course not.
Lately lighters were her only source to spark something inside of her.
“I’m sorry if I dragged you through my hell, I didn’t mean to. Happiness doesn’t belong to girls like me who’ve been through everything. That seed was taken away from me. It’s their fault”, she writes in journal.
But she’s happy today. No one knows why.
Leave her alone with her happiness.
There’s days where she feels like her sadness is a disease and everyone will catch it if they come too close.
“If you only you knew how beautiful you are”
“I don’t understand why you’re insecure, you have no reason to be”
“You’re always gloomy, stop that”
They say to her, all the time.
And she responds in her journal:
“No I’m crazy. I’m not stable. I’m losing my mind and no ones aware of what’s wrong with me. Everyone places a front and ignores it. They think I’ll get over it but I’ve been living with this fucked up mind my whole life. I’m sick. I hate looking at myself. I hate me. Why can’t no one see that? I’ve been screaming for help and no one helps me.”
I was wrong this whole time.
Her ray of sunshine is the lit up cigarette between her lips.
The happiness inside her is the smoke she inhales.
“This is my calm now”